When it comes to sexual intimacy, adult toys can really turn up the heat between the sheets when both partners are into it.
If you’ve never used a sex toy with your partner, however, it can seem like a daunting proposition — especially if you’re not even sure how they might react to the suggestion.
I’ve been there, and I’ll guide you through this playful adventure — from beginning to (happy) end.
Don’t Begin By Pulling Out A Toy During Sex
Before you unlock Pandora’s toybox, start by having an open and judgment-free conversation with your partner to share your desires and fantasies — outside of the bedroom.
This is especially important if your partner has never used a sex toy in the past (or has no idea you’re even thinking of trying one with them).
Whipping out a “Surprise!” vibrator during sex is not the way to go.
Choosing the right moment for this conversation can make all the difference, so find a time when you’re both relaxed, free from distractions, and able to talk openly with one another.
Start With A Compliment
Begin the conversation with a genuine compliment about your partner’s skills in the bedroom.
This is important because your partner could potentially feel like they’re not “enough” if you bring up the idea of using a sex toy together.
Let them know how much you appreciate their efforts and how this new addition will only enhance the pleasure you both experience together.
As an example: a clit sucker (a type of vibrator that mimics cunnilingus) isn’t a replacement for your amazing partner’s mouth — but it can add exciting stimulation during other types of sex play.
(And if this type of vibe sounds perfect for you, here are some great ones to choose from!)
Frame Sex Toys As An Adventure
Let your partner know that introducing sex toys isn’t about filling a void or fixing something that’s broken.
Instead, frame it as an exciting adventure that will elevate your intimacy and add a new dimension of fun to your sex play.
The key is to make your partner feel like they’re embarking on a thrilling journey with you.
Highlight The Benefits Of Using Sex Toys
Talk about the benefits of incorporating sex toys into your love life.
Depending on the reasons why you’re interested in exploring them in the first place, you might mention how sex toys can intensify sensations, make foreplay more exciting, or lead to mind-blowing orgasms.
Emphasize that this is an opportunity for both of you to explore new pleasures together.
Choose Your First Sex Toy Wisely
With the vast array of sex toys available, it’s essential to do at least a little homework before you pick one.
Whether you’re into vibrators, handcuffs, or something kinkier, take some time to explore different options.
Knowledge is power, and the more you know, the easier it will be to introduce the idea to your partner in a confident, authoritative manner.
When it’s time to select your first sex toy, be mindful of your partner’s comfort level.
Remember, it’s all about making this experience enjoyable for both of you.
Consider Sex Toy Shopping Together
When your partner expresses interest, you might suggest visiting a sex toy shop or browsing online for options together.
This gives you both an opportunity to choose items that pique your curiosity and desire.
After Your Partner Is On Board
While it’s essential to explore new horizons, it’s equally crucial to respect your partner’s boundaries.
If they seem hesitant or unsure at any point, don’t push them.
This is a journey you both should embark upon willingly.
Take It Slow
The first time you use a sex toy together, take it slow.
Use it as an accessory to your lovemaking, focusing on pleasure, connection, and sensual exploration.
The goal is to heighten your intimacy, not rush to a climax.
Give (And Openly Receive) Feedback
After your intimate experience using a sex toy together, have an open discussion about what you both enjoyed and what you might want to explore in the future.
This feedback will help refine your playtime and ensure that both of you are fully satisfied.
Keep The Playfulness Alive
The sex toy industry is one of innovation and variety that, if we’re being honest, is astronomical.
It’s so vast that it’d likely take lifetimes to try them all.
As you get more comfortable (and curious!), you might try experimenting with different toys, roles, and scenarios to maintain that oh-so-exciting spark in your sex life.
Using adult toys with your partner can be a playful and thrilling journey that deepens your connection, ignites passion, and takes your intimacy to a new level of ecstasy.
